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Lots of quick jokes and fun for that fast dose of festive humour Longer christmas jokes and humour Christmas Carols, Rhymes & Songs


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Christmas Present Jokes
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Can I have a wombat for Christmas?
What would you do with a wombat?
Play wom, of course, stupid!
Can I have a broken drum for Christmas?
The best thing you could have asked for. You can't beat it!

Can I have a puppy for Christmas?
Certainly not. You can have turkey like everybody else!

Dear Father Christmas, this Christmas could you please send me a yellow door.
Yours, Sherlock Holmes

Watson: So why do you want a yellow door Holmes?
Lemon-entry my dear watson.

Dear Father Christmas, could you please send me a musical instrument.
Thank you, Yours
A. Fisherman

Father Christmas: That's easy, we'll send him a cast-a-net.
Dear Father Christmas, could you please send me some Crocodile shoes!.
Father Christmas: Can't do that one. He hasn't said what size his crocodile takes!
I am nearly bald. This Christmas could you please send me something to keep my hair in.
Father Christmas: Send him a paper bag, and a comb; I'll bet he never parts with it!

Woman: Have you something for my husband? He has flat feet.
Assistant: Why not buy him a foot pump?
Woman: And he suffers from water on the knee.
Assistant: So buy him some drainpipe trousers !

Woman: What would you give to the man who has everything?
Assistant: Penicillin?
Woman: He'd really like a tie to match his eyes.
Assistant: Blue, brown, green or grey?
Woman: You don't do 'bloodshot' I suppose?
Man: That train set looks fantastic. I'll take one.
Assistant: I'm sure your son will love it, Sir!
Man: (sighs) Oh, yes..... I suppose he would. You'd better give me two, then.


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